I was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2010. Two surgeries followed, and I had treatments every few weeks, and now every few months, to try to keep the cancer from coming back. So far, so good.
My brother Jon pointed out that such an experience forces you to confront your mortality in a way you hadn't before. He was right. I never saw much point in making a "bucket list" before, for instance, but I found myself doing that as the appointment with my urologist approached last month. I'm basically a chicken, and I was afraid of what my doctor might find.
The cancer episode has also created an urgency. I see now that if I want a few years in which I can live largely as I choose, that period needs to commence soon. The time in the nursing home has shown me that living in my own home, with the help of aides, is something I could actually do, and would enjoy. How to bring that about is what I ponder most now. I'm trying to sell my writing, trying to find a regular job I can do online with my PC, and looking at other options. Hopefully, something will work out soon.
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